Sunday, December 11

oh, it's been ages or a while

Distance and language does a number on friendships. I have known a friend, my dearest friend, for ages (not just a while); since 1993. We are different probably only in age and circumstance. I'm older and poorer, and I have always had to work for a living to continue my struggle for the American dream, but I am finally hurt by the different sets of circumstance.

I am hurt to hear, "why don't you write a book" and to hear, "if you lived here, in Sweden, you would have written two books" because of some socialized support which America won't ever know as though to avoid particularly supporting its writers and artists. As though precisely this.

Dear everyone: I work for a living. I work full time, and a year ago I went through a cancer thing kind of full time and my dog was kind of dying, slowly. The year before, I worked for a living and I taught on top (when I say work, it's full time, professional administrative job that on the whole is so painfully cumbersome of its paperwork that my bosses often apologize and thank me and us because it's not a job I went to school to find, but here it is and if I shrug my shoulders my life is about 3/4 through (I reason) so, SO WHAT). Not easy to find the time to write. Living alone has its doom, but then why would I put some person in front of the only thing I care about? I wish I liked people I suppose, but having been a lover of love I think I would have fared better had I been a hater of love, more a war-sayer. I'd not have been pointless.

WHAT ELSE: I have a buddy in Skeeter.

Skeeter is in love with me. What he doesn't know is that he may stay with me or go to the best bidder (he's free to a good home). This morning he shows me his nose and now we're going off into the woods. (He's a bit of an ox on a harness, and I can't set him free yet in the woods. It's tricky and one wrong yank of me by him could have us sledding back, me on my stomach). It's a ride for a spell.


  1. We can't like everyone all the time--it's a fact. And as writers we muddle through, fully aware that we almost never have a chance to "do" the thing we are most compelled to do. We muddle through, and despite, limitations...stupid day jobs, errands, chores, obligations, disasters (others and our own), even our own bodies against us. Boooo. Boo to it all, when we just want a warm drink in a nice mug, a dog to love us, and means to get what's in our head down on paper.

    Here's an upside: in another life we'd most likely be smooshed by large rocks or weighed against a duck, because we're clearly witches. Clearly. Magic you some something!

  2. Gina, I wish I could take my leave and give it to you to enjoy as well. It is ridiculous how much working to pay all the bills takes from enjoying the things you work to have time for and never quite manage. Canada supports its artists if they're doing certain Canadiana/Canlit things, and commercial fiction is certainly not one of those things, and I've just finally said, fuck it, I'm doing it myself and screw agents and everything else.

    Are you in love with Skeeter yet, and is there a chance he will be a permanent bed warmer for you? He looks just so sweet, and I was wondering how he was adjusting and was there a possibility that he could stay for good?

    I like M's statement. I would have been inhaling smoke as I was tied to the nearest pile of sticks myself, had I been born in another time. There is much to be grateful for, even though it doesn't always feel like that's true.

    Be well, hon. I hope we'll meet in the spring or sometime.


  3. What love and joy you have shown and given SKeeter, and what he is showing in return is his love. What an adorable nose :). I can almost feel it! Embrace your companionship and love, for now and for however long it may be, it is a wonderful thing to give life and love to a little one. I bet he just adores the woods, regardless if he is on a leash. It still is wonderful.

    We do what we can do in life. One's can always say..."the grass is greener over here". But is it? Is it not? I don't like the separation of Countries. We are all born into what we are born into. Sure, I think all the time of a better life, but, that Hawk showed me different. I am here in this life I am in, and I shall make the best of it. Week to week, day to day. Moment to moment.

    Embrace everyday Gina. Enjoy your love with SKeeter, he sure enjoys you! And who wouldn't!!

    much love, xo