Sunday, December 2
time passed but not enough
Oh, where have I been and back and why hasn't it been three years in place of only two?
For thanksgiving break I took a few days of vacation time to drive straight north. 264 to 564 to 40 to 77 to 21 to 80 to 69 to 94 or thereabouts took 17 hours (dense fog along I 80 W dropped me down to travel 40 mph all the way to 69). No magic pictures. I was lucky to stay in a house where Skeeter could run in a backyard. He was happy. I had work to do in the care of my mom, in connecting the dots to a messy myriad of services if. If she has Medicaid (the golden ticket) she is allowed these services but (I should call them but services and two t's would not hurt) she has to know of them to access them. Spin me up and in and around, I did everything three days on the ground allowed me. Got my aunt off the hook she put herself on (really) in taking my ma on errands. (My ma has accepted in house help and they do take people out on errands; if only she would accept them to hoover, do some laundry and some dusting!).
There's a parakeet also I found its cage in such a mess, but I saw in all of this the disease at work. My mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was, I believe, 12 years or 13. Something. She had been hospitalized at a regular clip since 1972 (pre diagnosis) and she was certainly hospitalized during the diagnosis, and the electric shock and for stints after. Something about a loss of hormones I think slowed the frequency of extreme events down. She hasn't been hospitalized since 2000. whew.
And I must insert I was grateful to see a number of cousins, two wee second cousins, three aunts, friends, former coworkers, and then the Campbell clan. A lot of fun.
Driving back, I took 94 E to 23 S to 33 SE to 77 S to 40 E to 264. A better route, southern Ohio is beautiful. West Virginia offered me glimpses of towns that reminded me of northern California. How was that? I stayed in Charleston overnight with Skeeter of course (not a lot of sleep) but I would not have made it quite frankly around the curves in the dark. The fog that settled across I 80 W on the way up taught me a lesson in not risking fog between mountains. I was happy to see signs for North Carolina albeit the drive into and through NC (from Greensboro then east) was .... dull compared to the beauty I was lucky and rather brave on my own there to see.
But two years (and not three, as I had been thinking it had been three) have only passed since my surgery and the anniversary of sorts went by without me even thinking about it. I hope my neglect didn't earn me a full frontal appearance anytime soon. I would like to be able to write two books at least. One a novella of fiction and the other could be fiction but it is so near the bone why not, why not lay it bare. Colossal what with the workaday, the attention span of a gnat, a precious dog, the new life, trying to save what, $350 a month (?) for a house that I won't be able to lay claim to for at least two years, why....the novella should come out at least. Shouldn't it? Shouldn't I have time for writing this? Support of a smile, of something not making demands on me, of anyone giving a rats or even love (I don't know) I can come to this that I do love more than anything else....LEAVE ME BE or SUPPORT ME PLEASE. Which is it?
Swimming....will end for the winter break because the University closes for a brief stint which is a bummer (for the pool to close). I hate that. There's no other pool here in Greenville that I know about. Auditing a course in James Joyce in January. I also aim to see Picasso at the Gugenheim (sp) in NYC in January. Seeing the Who in February, Atlantic City, on a Friday night that happens to be my birthday. So I suppose I am paddling here into year 3 in the clear.
I hope we're all in the clear for 2013.